She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
