I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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