I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
