Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
