I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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