Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
