theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
