i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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