I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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