Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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