I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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