Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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