i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."