Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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