I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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