Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
