once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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