what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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