the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
