One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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