the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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