I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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