So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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