i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
