shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
