please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
