Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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