And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
