I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
