Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
