i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want to make out with him forever
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
