Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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