thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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