Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
operation harelip BJ is a go
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He shit in the fireplace
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
