So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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