I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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