I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i've created a new STD.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
