you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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