Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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