I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize