Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
