Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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