the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
