I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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