I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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