addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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