Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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