he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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