We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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