I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
