You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We had to coat check the pizza.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
