Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
