Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I just put wine in my tea
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
