don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
