I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
