3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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