i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
