I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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