This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We are two peas in an std pod
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
