What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Randomize
