Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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