Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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