Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
