I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize