You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
