she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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